pink and throbbing

I fought the urge as I saw him pleasuring himself. I did nothing and I knew that he knew I was standing there watching him. He continuously taunts me with hopeless satisfaction and teases me with forbidden pleasure. Yet I stood there still --- I did nothing because I cannot do anything.

Ours is an unconventional set-up. After splitting up years ago, we remain to live on the same roof. Maybe it is for convenience, or maybe we are both lazy to move and transfer things to another house, or maybe we still cling for gratifying support. Would I fault “us” if we think this is a practical “status quo”? Would I criticize the fact that the relationship has ceased and the act of satisfying carnal needs remain?

I was advised that it was not healthy emotional-wise. And I agree. Yet I did nothing. Why is it that my throbbing need to experience sexual bliss weighed more than moving forward? Why is it that I continuously seek his ability to fill my urges yet I know that he will not do so in the not-so-distant future? What am I afraid of? Or were the years of maintaining a relationship enough to give one’s self the excuse to cling and move on when it is convenient?

I saw him pleasuring himself. As his hand raised and lowered on a rhythm of physiological motion, I saw in his eyes the need to release his earthly passion and desire. And with one nod towards me, he challenges my will to be strong and took a step to stop our sexual rendezvous. With his eyes half-closed, right hand on his shaft and the other playing with his nipples, he caused an invitation to join him even if it is until the last drop. His smile caused by arousal, his gestures caused by sensation. He tempt me to join him…

And I did… again.